LATE AFTERNOON

I used to devour the information superhighway at 14.4k. I rarely feel like I’m devouring anything on the web anymore. The web is just so good at being utilitarian and practical. I use it too much to get practical things done that I have lost the desire to seek out and devour information like I once did. I used to write URL’s down on pieces of paper and really itch to get home and check them out on my PC for Christ sake! The ebb and flow of adoption and mass appeal of technology takes time. But once something reaches mass appeal, they get boring.

 

My calculations predict that the two thousand 20’s will be awesome, and that awesomeness will peter out during the two thousand 30’s and 40’s. We’ll see amazeballs 50’s followed by a dull 60’s and 70’s. You get it.

In the very second post on this site I wrote:

Not a day goes by that I don’t think that I have wasted a big part of my life. I realize that if I had made different choices that the abovementioned happiness may never have materialized. I get it. And I get that even if I had made different choices; these forthcoming feelings might still have appeared. However, as a 40-year-old man who has no career and no real employable skillset, the notion that I should have, at some point prior to now, worked harder toward building a career overflowing with skillsets feels like a credible regret. No matter how much it doesn’t make me feel like less of a man, and no matter how much I actually like it, telling others I am a househusband does not fill me with pride. I feel like if I had had a career, I could at least say that I ‘retired to be a stay-at-home-dad’ or something along those lines.

 

I am and I’m not a jaded expat househusband. There is bitterness about a few mistakes, but very few regrets. I think about this subject a lot. I am not fully at ease with how I chose to live my life, but I do not regret any of the choices I made.

 

What I do is think about what might have happened had I chose differently. I am not talking about correct and incorrect choices. To be sure, right and wrong choices are out there to be decided, but I am simply talking about choices. Tomayto, tomahto. What if I had attended Wilfrid Laurier instead of Carleton? What if I had gone to Tokyo instead of Seoul? It’s frustrating because the ideas just naturally come to me and so I end up getting all day dreamy.

 

Those sorts of daydreams sap so much energy. Energy that I could be using to, for example, figure out some way to earn even a small income. I’m broke and the older I get the more unforgiving my debt becomes and the weight of it gets harder and harder to carry.

 

This new line of thinking has to stop, though. I need to get some trivial shit done on the web and make sure Lily’s dinner is done before I head out to some bullshit function I made the mistake of saying I’d attend. Christ, now I’m grumpy.



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